1. No One's Playing For Points
Nobody's killing hookers in Grand Theft Auto for points. Stop saying that. The only games that feature high scores are crappy iPhone apps and emulated arcade classics. If you're going to start criticizing games for a point system, you might as well start criticizing Charlie Chaplain movies for their sparse dialogue.
Credit: Rockstar Games
Grand Theft Auto: Hooker
2. The Lawnmower Man Was Fake
Just so you know, nobody's getting lost in a virtual world of sex and drugs.
The only thing that comes even close is Second Life a game that requires a Master's Degree in computer programming to make even one giant penis, let alone a defiled world of Satanism.
The only thing that comes even close is Second Life a game that requires a Master's Degree in computer programming to make even one giant penis, let alone a defiled world of Satanism.
Credit: Linden Labs
Second Life
3. You Play Games
Online poker is a video game.
Farmville is a video game.
Any stupid interactive ad you're tricked into playing to download malware is a video game.
You play video games.
Farmville is a video game.
Any stupid interactive ad you're tricked into playing to download malware is a video game.
You play video games.
Farmville
Credit: Farmville
4. Guitar Hero Won't Stop People From Learning Guitar
Stop worrying that we're losing the next generation of B.B. Kings to Guitar Hero and Rock Band.
We're not.
There will always be one group of people that want to enjoy their favorite music in new and exciting ways, and another group that wants to have sex with eager humans.
Trust me when I say Guitar Hero ain't handling that second business plan.
In fact, to get your hands on a rape simulator, you literally have to know a guy who knows a guy who will take your credit card information and then go to Japan, buy the game, and then send it to you, at which point you'll have to modify for console to get it to a point where it will play a foreign game.
We're not.
There will always be one group of people that want to enjoy their favorite music in new and exciting ways, and another group that wants to have sex with eager humans.
Trust me when I say Guitar Hero ain't handling that second business plan.
Guitar Hero: Metallica Hands-On Preview
Credit: Activision
5. Rape Simulators Are Really Hard To Come By
No mainstream store sells any video game that features rape as a fun quick time activity.In fact, to get your hands on a rape simulator, you literally have to know a guy who knows a guy who will take your credit card information and then go to Japan, buy the game, and then send it to you, at which point you'll have to modify for console to get it to a point where it will play a foreign game.
6. A YouTube Video Of A Video Game Is Not A Video Game
Holy Mother of Jesus Christ, you can't watch a video someone took while watching someone else play a video game and understand the medium.
This should be common sense already.
I mean, come on.
This should be common sense already.
I mean, come on.
7. Video Games Are Art, Ah, Really Nobody Cares That Much
People play video games because they're fun or scary or interesting or emotional or weird or interesting or happy or are violent rape simulators.
The question of whether or not they're art is a question best saved for blog filler and bored forum debates.
Gamers will play their medium because their medium exists and it's exciting. Whether or not you want to give it a post-modern analysis is your business.
The question of whether or not they're art is a question best saved for blog filler and bored forum debates.
Gamers will play their medium because their medium exists and it's exciting. Whether or not you want to give it a post-modern analysis is your business.
Credit: Jonathan Blow
Braid
Stay Tooned!
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